All My Heart Desires

Well, it is official. After 5 solid months of being unsettled, my husband and I are finally settled in our new home. This has been the most difficult move of the 8 we have undertaken in 24 years of marriage. Physically and mentally, this move beat me down in a way I didn’t expect and really couldn’t have prepared for. 

The normal chaos that comes with selling a home and moving was exacerbated by a two week stay in a hotel in order for my husband to finish work in the town we were leaving. After that, we moved into an Airbnb, signing a 30 day contract because we didn’t know if or when we would be able to find a home.

Through out this whole process my husband was very calm and steady. He determined to walk as though the whole matter was finished; God was in control. I, on the other hand, had more ups and downs than I care to admit.

Knowledge Is Power (kind of)

It wasn’t for lack of knowing the power of God. I wholly trust and depend upon God’s sovereignty. I have seen the Lord’s faithfulness over the years many times over. I knew we couldn’t make things to fall into place (the way they eventually would), so the Lord would have to provide.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

I was trusting. I was not leaning on my own understanding. I was acknowledging Him. I was desperate to have the Lord direct our path as we were in a seemingly impossible situation. 

I asked God to show us the house in the neighborhood He wanted us in, in the community He wanted us in, by the church He wanted us in. He did exactly what I asked! He directed our path to a home I had purposefully written off in all of my internet searching. 

We made a full priced offer in a housing market where homes were fetching multiple offers well over asking price. We had a “Yes” to our offer within half an hour of making it. The owners had a moving truck already scheduled so they didn’t need to rent back from us, which was also the norm in the crazy housing market at that time. We would be out of our Airbnb rental earlier than expected. Praise the Lord!

The Pretty Bow Is Crushed

That should be the perfect ending of the story! It all worked out exactly as Proverbs 3:5-6 says it will. And yet! Panic set in and buyers remorse was almost immediate. What had we done??? We bought a house I had purposefully written off for some very specific reasons. But now I had to, “let my yes be yes and my no be no”.

The purchase of our home couldn’t have gone any smoother or faster. Through out the 13 day escrow process, my dread over the mistake we had made grew and grew. Even after we moved into the new home God had obviously directed our path to, I continued to struggle. 

Learning to surrender afresh was not an easy thing. As time has gone on and the flowers in the beautiful yard have bloomed (all of the pictures in this post are from our yard), the Lord has been generous to show me what I had not been able to see initially. I have slowly begun to understand His wisdom in placing us where He has.

The Lord has been merciful in giving me a good gift in this home when I certainly would have chosen something else, something less. Once again, I am learning Psalm 37:3-4. This time in a deeper way than previously.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

I still have moments of longing for something different than what God has provided. In those moments, I have to stop my sinful thoughts and replace them with truth. I have to choose to dwell in the land God has placed me in. I have to choose to trust He knows what is best for me. I have to do good and feed on His faithfulness, which once again draws me back to the place of delighting myself in Him!